HOME INTRODUCTION ABOUT US WHO DO WE WORK WITH? COUNSELLING Person Centred Therapy Integrated Therapy Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) Childrens Art Therapy Existential Psychotherapy Gestalt Lifeskills Coaching Childrens Play Therapy Psychodynamic Therapy Transactional Analysis (TA) PARENTING COURSES SUPERVISION WORKPLACE MEDIATION COSTS THE PRINCIPALS TONY PHILLIPS
MBACP (Accredited)
MCS (Accredited)
UKRCP (Registered) CONTACT US

Tel. 01792 850300
24 hour answering service
or email us tony.phillips@adytum.co.uk

POSITIVE PARENTING

We facilitate Positive Parenting classes for individuals on a one-to-one basis or in groups.

 

With recent surveys suggesting that there should be legislation in the future to require parents to be made to be more responsible for their children, whether it be for non-school attendance or just their behaviour in general, the pressure seems to be mounting up against parents - or that is how it must feel sometimes.

 

Parenting has become such an emotive issue and is more and more portraying children and young people as uncontrollable, and parents as being inadequate. Yet the problem, as it is portrayed, is not just restricted to the socially deprived as it affects all classes across the UK. The rise in popularity of the "super nanny" programmes on television has certainly thrust the parenting issue into the consciousness of the public. Plus the surge in violence that we seem to constantly hear about makes us all fearful for the future of our children and young people and yet, when we have children, no one seems to have taught us how to be a parent. Some of us have had what we would describe as OK childhoods whilst others have not. In either case it can perhaps put us under too much pressure to get it right or we do not have any examples of what is right. The end result can be quite often that we feel unprepared to be a parent. Families quite often are split up or are living far away from their own parents, so the support networks that seemed perhaps to have been in place in generations past no longer seems to be there any more. The cultural changes that have taken place over the last twenty years also have been massive. Young people now have entertainment systems at their disposal that for many of us growing up were just a fantasy! Social networking sites such as Bebo, MSN, Facebook and others have shifted the boundaries so much that young people inhabit a world so different from our own that we can feel confused and out of touch with our children’s world. So where do we go for help?

 

We try to help parents understand that they are able to be effective and that their children can and will respond in a positive way to them and their environment. Tony has worked in the area of foster care for many years helping young people with particularly difficult backgrounds make something of their lives and has had a good deal of successful outcomes with the young people coming through his and his wife Sue’s hands, with some going on to higher education and into the world of work

 

He is particularly keen to promote the idea that fathers are important and have a huge role to play in the development of their children. However, many people feel pulled in so many different directions. It may be that the Dad is the main breadwinner and can end up feeling, or being made to feel, guilty for leaving the home to work and perhaps being accused of not helping out enough. Pressures of promotion prospects can make many men work very long hours in order to "get on", but staying late is not regarded as essential by the partner and leads to grief as soon as they get home. Weekends then become a trial of strength between the partners with both wanting some "me time" but what about the kids! The "silent treatment" can then follow and when asked what is wrong they are greeted with the time honoured comment of "nothing"! Finally after probing why the atmosphere in the home is just about above freezing they are told "you should know"! She finally says that you never talk to her, but that is difficult when you are being not talked to either! And you are not attentive enough to her and where has all the romance gone. You respond that sex would be nice once in a while and she says that you are hopeless and helpless and a slob around the place and she doesn’t particularly feel like being romantic herself and through these exchanges the children need attention!

 

Sound familiar? Communications have well and truly broken down and need to be re-established as soon as possible.

 

We also have the situation for many who are trying to bring up children on their own - how difficult is that! There are over 19 million single parent families in the UK bringing up over 31 million children! Probably everyone knows that one of the most famous single parents became a household name, but not until the trauma of trying to cope for years on her own took its toll - but we would never have been thrilled by the adventures of Harry Potter unless JK Rowling persevered with her endeavours. It is not easy trying to do the "right thing" for these children. Sometimes, through feelings of guilt and shame, we can overcompensate with children who can then perhaps grow up with blurred boundaries or none at all. Contact for the children with the non-resident partner can become a "treat" and has little to do with parenting. Meanwhile the resident parent can’t afford to give gifts and treats to their children every weekend. Parenting for either party under these circumstances is never easy and can become a constant battleground where there are no "winners" only "losers".

 

By addressing some of these problems that are troubling parents, through the intervention of Adytum, progress can be made. By addressing the issues in a calm and supportive way parents can start to feel that they are not on their own anymore and that maybe there is a future for them all, both parent and child. Give us a call and see how we can help you get through the next 10 - 20 years safely!

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